Things I Didn't Know I Loved...

Its 2010 February 1st

I'm in my bathroom standing directly over the heating vent

hot air rushing up my legs

I never knew I liked

heaters creating a warm tingling sensation on a chilled winter morning

I don't like

winter mornings

I didn't know I loved brushing my teeth

the cleansing bristles tickling my pearly whites

and sloshing cool water throughout my now smooth, minted mouth

I never knew I loved mouthwash

the uncomfortable sting

that you know is killing all clingy bacteria in or out of sight

I didn't know I loved blankets

even thin abrasive ones

I think it's essentially the feeling of collective security

your whole self

united as one when its warmth encases you in entirety

I was unaware of my love for my bed

it's unlike other beds

for the fact that its my own I think

my body has become accustomed to its feel that none other can compare

possession

I never knew I loved laughing

unpolluted ecstasy bubbling from ones lips

the few seconds of knowing nothing but pleasure

when laughing the mind swabs vacant no matter the predicament

in that one moment nothing skitters through the brain

only contentment

I never knew I loved bodies

specifically the masculine male kind

shirtless and damp with perspiration I could gaze for endless hours

flexation then relaxation

continually taking turns as droplets of moisture slip from the significantly firm surface

I want to glide my fingers across it

I didn't know I loved physical contact

the sensation of skin on skin

or just the soft or aggressive touch of another being

why does physical contact evoke such arousal

has it just always been that way

I don't care

I find it irresistible

I didn't know I loved pictures

they capture a memory whether pleasent or depressing

wanted or unwanted

beautiful or unsightly

memorable or forgettable

genuine or fake

thoughtful or fleeting

it's imprisoned

till burned

I didn't know I loved chocolate

well

I think everyone knows they love chocolate

I never knew I loved music

the numerous sounds flowing in contrast

one of the few times diversity can be joined so efficiently

our ears incarcerate them all as a whole

never set free

even in old age

I forgot I loved black men

skin like porcelain

ebony black

slightly bronzed

beautiful

I love it all

I'll never forget my love for black men

I didn't know I loved exercising

the strain on muscles

the awareness of becoming stronger with ever step

every lift

every cycle

the liberation of endorphins and accumulation of energy

the definition and hardening of the body

I didn't know I loved being sore

tension in places I forgot I had

sighing with every degree of movement and wincing with every lift of a limb

wanting to lay still for perpetuity

I didn't know I loved reading

the ability to lose yourself in anothers world

to escape to an alternate reality on paper and return whenever desired

to later fantasize yourself as another person

I never knew I loved fantasizing

pretending to be someone else

or just yourself in a different exsistence

you can do whatever you want

be with who you want the most because they will be the person that you want them to be

doing the things with them that you've always wanted to

no one can judge you

cause no one knows

I never knew I loved showers

warm water striking the surface of your body

drumming the hanging curtain

beating against the hard cold porcelain

rinsing away the dirt of what the world wants you to be

I didn't know I loved napping

an hour of shut eye

on a cozy familiar sofa

the amicable chatter of recognizable people surrounding you

lulling you to unconsciousness

I never knew I loved boys

the silly kind

that make you laugh

the beautiful kind

that make you fidget

the inappropriate kind

that make you blush

the sincere kind

that make you happy

the tender kind

that make you important

the incredible kind

that make you smile

the special kind

that make you love

I didn't know I loved God

but now I do

and as I stand in my bathroom

watching my reflection and attempting to decide who I am

I reminisce about the things that I love

because it makes me happy.